


Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with?

by Kodou



Series: Drums and Bass [2]
Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Fluff, Get Together, M/M, boys having feelings, handjob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:53:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25374196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kodou/pseuds/Kodou
Summary: Toshiya regrets leaving like he did, will he get a chance to fix the mess he made or is it too late?
Relationships: Shinya/Toshiya (Dir en grey)
Series: Drums and Bass [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1832683
Comments: 6
Kudos: 15





	Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't have fallen in love with?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jennthezombie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennthezombie/gifts).



> "And if I start a commotion  
> I run the risk of losing you and that's worse  
> Ever fallen in love with someone  
> Ever fallen in love, in love with someone  
> Ever fallen in love, in love with someone  
> You shouldn't have fallen in love with?"
> 
> Ever Fallen In Love - The Buzzcocks 
> 
> For Jenn, as always <3

Leaving Shinya’s apartment was hard enough to do, so of course Toshiya has to do it at peak morning rush hour. So not only does he have to commute back into Namba in crowded trains but he has to do it in yesterday’s clothes with a growing headache. Stuck feeling nervous and anxious about leaving Shinya so suddenly this morning, sweating in the early morning sunshine and lost in the sea of people around him while being vaguely worried that Shinya will have changed his mind and he’s ruined one of his best friendships but unable to get himself to go back and face it.

Two trains and a bus later, Toshiya is back in his home neighborhood. He stops off at the Lawson’s on the corner to buy his cigarettes and flirts with the older woman behind the counter who always gives him the better cigarettes for the cheaper brand’s price. He still has some money left from the work he picked up helping a friend move boxes into his store overnight so he can get a curry pan and a Pocari Sweat too. 

The first cigarette of the pack lasts the rest of the walk to his apartment, it may be full of a rotating set of band guys with nothing all relying on each other but it’s home. When Toshiya opens the door, he’s hit with the smell of feet and cigarette smoke and the sound of someone snoring really loudly and his stomach clenches when he suddenly misses Shinya’s little apartment in Tengachaya instead of feeling like he’s come back home. Shit. 

Toshiya is sitting on top of his own designated futon roll on the floor eating his curry pan when the snorer wakes up next to him. The blanket had been over his head so Toshiya didn’t realize who it was until his good friend pokes his head out as he stretches and yawns noisily. 

“Hey man,” Hizuki says blinking sleepily. “We were a bit worried about you last night.”

“Oh,” Toshiya says and shrugs, trying to be casual. “I crashed somewhere else...” 

Hizuki grins, “Crashed somewhere else you say?” He sits up and scratches at his armpit. “Were they cute?” 

“It’s not like that!” Toshiya protests but he knows he’s blushing and all it does is make his roommate laugh at him. 

“Okay, okay, keep your secret,” Hizuki says and scrubs at his wild bleach blonde hair. “Just glad to know you were safe, ‘s all.” 

“Yeah, I was,” Toshiya murmurs and for a moment gets lost in the memory of soft kisses. Hizuki brings him back by clearing his throat.

“So uh,” Hizuki says, looking at Toshiya like he’s trying to figure him out and it makes Toshiya wonder what his face does when he thinks of kissing Shinya. “Most of the other guys left for a bit earlier, if you wanna take a shower you should probably do it now.”

Toshiya drains the last of his drink and then stands up, “I appreciate the heads up because I definitely do. Thanks, man.” 

Hizuki salutes him and starts to crawl out of his futon as Toshiya gathers up some of his clothes and heads into the bathroom. The bathroom is always kind of grimy looking and drab but for a bunch of dudes the place is rather clean which he always appreciates. He might have to wait for 5 years for the water to warm up and he discovers that someone has been using his stuff but there’s still nothing like a good shower.

Toshiya’s mood is improved dramatically after that, when he dresses and comes back out of the bathroom most of the rest of the apartment’s residents are back. After a good ribbing on his whereabouts the night before, they offer him some of the Mr. Donut they brought back and Toshiya is only too happy to partake. There’s loud music, raucous laughter, and a few hands of some cutthroat card games to fill the rest of the time before Toshiya has to go to practice. It’s not a bad afternoon.

The practice studio is only a bus ride away and he’s earlier then he means to be so Toshiya smokes a cigarette outside before he heads in and takes the rickety elevator up to the floor the studio is on. When he enters the small room, Kaoru is already there, sitting on one of the mismatched chairs and he has his guitar out. He’s noodling along to some tinny American metal that’s coming from the CD player they keep in the room even though it’s on its last legs. 

“Yo!” Toshiya calls out over the music, happy to see Kaoru. “I thought I was gonna be the only one here!”  
  
“Nope,” Kaoru says and reaches over to turn the volume down on the CD. “I got out of work super early so I came over here to chill before practice.”

“Shitty your hours keep getting cut,” Toshiya says and goes to sit down next to Kaoru at the small, wobbly table. Kaoru shrugs. 

“Leaves more time for the band,” he says with a sniff and when Toshiya grins knowingly Kaoru points at the plastic bags on the counter. 

“There’s some curry if you want it. I got some lunch but wasn’t as hungry as I thought I was,” Kaoru says casually, not looking at Toshiya and pretending to be more interested in his noodling. Toshiya doesn’t know when his band started on this Feed Toshiya campaign but he can’t say he minds much. He loves his dudes. 

“Well, if it's on offer,” Toshiya says and digs into the bag without much preamble. “Are you sure you’re not gonna want leftovers?” he asks as he opens the container, his stomach growls as he smells the earthy spices and starchy rice. Kaoru shakes his head so Toshiya just shrugs and digs in. 

They chit chat as Toshiya eats, Kaoru is still messing around on his guitar and one thing he plays catches Toshiya’s attention and they double down on it. Toshiya is kind of singing the bass line he could play with that riff when the door opens. 

“Thank god the actual talent is here,” Die says as he enters the room. Kyo follows along behind him laughing at his joke as he goes to put his bag down. Toshiya rolls his eyes and sticks his tongue out at both of them but turns back to finish the food in front of him quickly since it’ll be time to start soon. Kaoru is playing the riff he just made up for them when the door opens again. 

“Oh,” Shinya says and when he hears his voice, Toshiya’s head whips up to look. “I thought I was gonna be early.” 

Toshiya doesn’t know what to do with himself as he sees Shinya standing there looking a little uneasy, all he knows is he has to stop himself from jumping out of his chair. He thinks again for the 100th time that maybe instead of giving into his anxiety and his overwhelming need for nicotine and a shower he should've stayed and talked about things. He kinda feels like a coward. 

“Nope, we’ve all been here forever. Just waiting for our no-good drummer to show up,” Die teases and he goes and throws his arm around Shinya’s shoulders. Shinya pushes at Die and scoffs at his taunts and Toshiya feels a very stupid prick of jealousy but Shinya’s eyes meet his and Shinya gives him a small, secret, pink-cheeked smile. Toshiya feels parts of him let go of his nervous tension as he smiles back at him. 

“Toshiya,” Kaoru says and Toshiya literally jumps, startled out of his reverie.

“Ehhh?” he counters but Kaoru continues.

“Hurry up and finish eating, we’re gonna start now. We’ve got some big shows coming up and that tour...”

Toshiya shoves a mouthful of curry into his face, chews a few times, then shows it to Kaoru to interrupt him. Kaoru makes a noise of disgust while he laughs, but after closing up the packaging of the curry Toshiya stands up and finishes chewing while he goes to get his bass out and set up. He crouches down in front of his case and his practice amp. When he pulls out his bass he stays crouching, plucking strings to check the tuning.

Die is already playing something hectic and fast-paced and Kyo is warbling something as he sets up his practice mic, but as Kaoru is telling them the stuff they need to work on Toshiya can feel eyes on him. He turns his head to the right to see the source of the stare. It’s Shinya, who tilts his head questioningly at him. 

Toshiya takes in Shinya and remembers their closeness from the night before, feeling a warmth radiate through him. It still seems like a dream. It occurs to him right then that Shinya is probably just as nervous as he is and the intense need to talk to Shinya grows even stronger. How do they act now? Is this something they wanna tell people? Is this thing even a thing? He really should have stayed longer at Shinya’s this morning. 

He tamps down his self-berating anxiousness for Shinya’s sake and instead gives him his best flirty smile and a big obvious wink. Shinya blushes hard and ducks his head but Toshiya can see his small grin. They may have some stuff to figure out but those cute small smiles that Shinya keeps giving him means that right now they’re ok. That’s all that matters.

Toshiya stands up and turns around and when he does Kaoru is looking at him a bit impatiently and that warm happy feeling drains right back out. He doesn’t mean to be so freaked out by his friend, Kaoru just has a really uncanny way of being able to read people and he just doesn’t want to be figured out just yet. Please at least let him talk to Shinya first.

“Are you ready?” Kaoru asks, both of his eyebrows going up. 

“Only if you are, Leader-sama,” Toshiya says and gives him his most innocent look.

Kaoru responds by rolling his eyes, but all he does is turn to Shinya and tell him what song to count off. The first part of practice goes smoothly after that, Toshiya puts the stuff with Shinya on the backburner and focuses on the music in front of him. Music is and always will be his first love, it’s what keeps him going even when he's so hungry he can’t sleep while laying on the floor on a shitty futon surrounded by 10 other miserable musicians. </span

They go through all the songs off the EP a few times and have started to piece together something off the basic melody that Die had brought in last practice hoping to build a song off of before Kaoru officially declares a break. 

“Thank god,” Kyo says and goes to flop on the small threadbare couch against the far wall. 

“What are you complaining about, you haven’t even been doing anything close to singing for like the last hour!” Die says and goes over to sit on Kyo who is cackling and trying to get out from underneath him. 

Toshiya laughs at the antics for a moment, but he sees Shinya out of the corner of his eye. He gives Toshiya a meaningful look before slipping out the door. Toshiya takes a breath and grabs his cigarettes before following, he opens the door to the practice room and looks down the hall. Shinya disappears through the doors that lead to the stairs with a quick glance over his shoulder to make sure Toshiya is coming.

It means he’s going to the roof, the door is left unlocked usually so they’ll go up there to relax during practice sometimes. It’s the perfect place for some privacy. Toshiya makes his way down the hall and through the door, following Shinya’s footsteps up the two flights of stairs. He hears the roof door open as he turns the corner to go up the remaining set of stairs, sees it shut as he takes those steps two at a time. " _What a tease,"_ he thinks, heart pounding.

Shinya is waiting outside on the roof for him, it’s just barely sunset and the muted golden sunlight bathes Shinya in it’s warmth and makes him glow. 

“Hey,” Toshiya says and hesitates. He licks his lips, he wants to kiss Shinya so badly.

“Hi,” Shinya says shyly, his cheeks already turning red.

It’s the shyness that really does Toshiya in, something about Shinya’s reactions just drives him crazy. He steps in closer to Shinya and puts his hands on his upper arms. 

“We’ll talk in a sec and stop me if you don’t wanna,’ Toshiya says in a rush, “But I really have to kiss you right now.” 

“Okay,” Shinya says, cheeks pink and eyes wide and hopeful. His full lips part and Toshiya can’t stop himself now and immediately leans in to capture those tempting lips in a kiss. It’s light, but they linger there for a long moment. It almost hurts to pull away from him, but Shinya deserves to say what he wants to say.

Toshiya takes his hands off of Shinya and steps back when they pull apart, immediately going for his cigarettes because he needs to keep his hands busy or he’s not going to be able to resist grabbing for Shinya again. He’s wanted so much so bad for so long that now that he’s been allowed to touch he struggles to stop.

“Well, that answers one of my questions,” Shinya says after a moment. “I was kind of worried that you, y’know, changed your mind. Came to your senses.”

“Oh god, no,” Toshiya says and pauses as he lights his cigarette, “I was worried about the same thing...I left pretty suddenly, I know.” 

“That’s my other question,” Shinya interjects and Toshiya cringes around an exhale of smoke. 

“I know, like, I should’ve stayed. I really should’ve. We’ve got some stuff to discuss,” Toshiya says, looking away a little bit ashamed. The sky is starting to turn orange and pink, it’s a beautiful sunset. “I already wanted to shower but when I saw I was out of cigarettes I like, panicked. I don’t know. I’m really bad at the morning after part.”

When he looks at Shinya he looks unimpressed. Not a good move to vaguely bring up your strings of one-night stands to your potential relationship, point taken. 

“I’m sorry,” Toshiya says then, sincerely. “I can make this up to you, however you want me too.” He reaches out and takes Shinya’s hand, relieved when Shinya lets him. 

“I have a few ideas, but I think I’ll stick with you coming over again tonight,” Shinya says after a moment of thought. He looks ethereal and beautiful, painted in the colors of the sunset. He could've asked Toshiya to throw himself off of the roof right then and he would’ve done it without a second thought. “Break’s almost over and it’s really not the place for us to talk about it.”

“Yes, okay,” Toshiya says and his heart jumps up into his throat. He has to take a deep breath to calm himself down, he feels giddy like a kid. He opens his mouth to speak again but the roof door opens and he has just enough time to pull his hand away from Shinya’s before Kyo sticks his head around the door. 

“I knew you guys were up here,” he says and walks out onto the roof. Die follows behind him and then a moment later Kaoru comes out. 

“Fresh air,” Shinya answers lamely, looking as agitated as Toshiya felt. It really wasn’t the place for them to have this conversation but it still sucked to have it interrupted. “We were about to go back in though.” 

“Yeah,” Toshiya says, catching Shinya’s drift quickly. “I think I want the last little bit of the curry.” 

Kaoru nods a little, looking distracted as he tries to keep his cigarette pack away from Kyo’s mooching hands, “We’ve got like 15 minutes left of break so hurry up, okay?”

“Sure,” Toshiya says and flicks the remnants of his cigarette away before he opens the door for Shinya to go through. He watches the guys for a moment, Kaoru is teasing the notorious cigarette stealer Kyo with his cigarettes and Die is cheering them on as he smokes his own so Toshiya slips through the door too and follows Shinya down the stairs. 

When they get through the doorway back into the practice room, Toshiya feels Shinya’s hand on his wrist and he stops and turns to look at him. 

“Listen, Toshiya,” Shinya says, ducking his head. “I know we’re supposed to be talking about this later but I can’t help asking because it’s been killing me since this morning...” 

Shinya stops, hesitating. He’s nervous. Toshiya is so into him it's disgusting, but he gives Shinya an encouraging look. It’s obviously important to him so that makes it important to Toshiya. Shinya looks up at him again, turns red, but finally asks. “Are we gonna make this a thing? Like, a _thing_ thing?” 

Toshiya almost laughs at the fact Shinya is also calling it a Thing and they’re dancing around any real official terms, but he holds it in. “Are you asking if we’re gonna be boyfriends?” he asks, teasing.

“No!” Shinya shouts, he’s beet red and it’s so cute that Toshiya almost sweeps him straight into his arms. “Yes. I mean...” He looks down and lets go of Toshiya’s wrist so he can cover his face. “If you have to put it that way, yes.” That comes out muffled from between his hands. 

Toshiya does laugh, then. Soft and fond. “If that's what you want, then yes,” he answers, taking Shinya’s hands and taking them away from his face.

“Really?” Shinya says, sounding in disbelief like he’s the one that's been pining for two years and not Toshiya. 

“You don’t understand how much I mean it when I say yes,” Toshiya replies with every bit of sincerity he can manage, he’s about to tell Shinya to make sure that he knows what he himself really wants from this when he’s interrupted by the feeling of Shinya’s lips on his own. 

It’s more brave of a kiss then Shinya has given him yet so even though he feels like he’s got something important to say to him he can’t resist. Toshiya just gives in and cups Shinya’s face in his hands, tangles his fingers in his silky hair, and kisses him like he wanted to all night last night, all day today, and every day for the last two years. 

Toshiya can feel Shinya melt as he kisses him like this, he can feel the shivers and the quick breaths and the hands grasping onto the front of his shirt for dear life. It’s almost too much, every single little reaction that Shinya gives him sends desire burning through him. He’s drunk with it and that’s why he forgets where they’re at.

“Oh, wow,” A voice cuts through the haze and it startles Toshiya straight back into reality with a jolt. He and Shinya jump apart like they’ve been shocked. 

Die is standing there with the door to the practice room wide open, looking like a deer in the headlights. 

“Uhh...” Die says, obviously lost for words. Toshiya is so frozen up because of how startled he was that he’s too slow to react to Shinya turning immediately crimson red and running out the door that Die still has flung wide open. 

“Shinya,” Toshiya calls as soon as his voice comes back to him even though it’s too late. “Shit!” he swears and runs a hand through his hair in irritation. He turns to Die who is still standing there in shock.

“Uh,” Die tries again, “Didn't expect to see that.” 

Toshiya winces and rubs a hand over his face. “Die...” he starts but he doesn’t know what to say or even feel beyond being mortified and kind of horrified. 

“Is that...” Die says and it's obvious he feels both incredibly awkward and apologetic for stumbling in on them. “Is this new?” 

“Yeah,” Toshiya says, crosses his arms over his chest. “Weren’t ready for people to know so, just, please don’t say anything to anyone else. Please.”

Die shifts on his feet and looks like he wants to say something but all he does is nods once. “I won’t,” he says, seriously.

“Thank you,” Toshiya murmurs. “Not until we figure it out.”

“Figure what out?” Kaoru’s voice says as he passes by Die, who still has the door open. 

Oh _no_. Toshiya kicks himself so fucking hard for getting so carried away, especially since he’s stuck here and can’t go find Shinya to make sure he’s ok and now Kaoru is going to find out and he’s gonna get kicked out of the band. 

“The song,” Die says quickly, obviously thinking a little faster than Toshiya. He shoots a look over to him like, _get with the program_ and Toshiya feels a quick flash of gratitude. 

“Drum and bass thing,” Toshiya says, trying for casual but just missing it. It’s technically a truth in a roundabout way but Toshiya still hates lying to his friends so much. It sucks. 

Kaoru stands there and looks between him and Die and probably the lack of Shinya like he’s figuring something out, but Kyo comes through the door then. 

“Great, more sitting around for me,” Kyo announces, but Die shakes himself and finally steps away from the door. 

“Don’t be lazy, vocalist,” Die says loud and distracting, trying to cut through the awkward tension with joviality. It seems to work because Kyo is squawking at Die and they’re making a scene that scoops up Kaoru and grabs his attention. 

Shinya slides in the door in the middle of the mayhem, opening and closing it carefully so it doesn’t make any noise. It goes unnoticed by everyone but Toshiya who reaches out to grab Shinya’s shoulder in a sudden need for contact and to reassure him. Shinya looks at him, he seems to be ok but the questioning look makes Toshiya shake his head and then smile. _We're ok, it's ok_ he tries to get across without speaking and it seems to work. Shinya looks over at the guys who are horsing around then back at Toshiya before nodding once. 

Toshiya is relieved that Shinya gets it, he squeezes Shinya’s shoulder tightly for a moment before he goes to pick up his bass. “Come on, you idiots,” he calls out, feeling a little better now that he knows Shinya is alright. “Back to work!”

The rest of practice is harder to deal with, Toshiya is just really unable to focus himself on the music again this time. Luckily it seems like everyone else is having the same problem, the atmosphere is a little different in the room, anyways. Even Kyo seems distracted.

“Alright,” Kaoru says and shakes his head after the song they're practicing goes out of tempo for the nth time in a row. “I think we’re gonna call it today.”

Kyo throws his arms up in the air and Die makes a celebratory noise but Kaoru tamps down on that ruthlessly. There’s a reason he’s the leader and it’s definitely because he’s able to corral them when they start to act like a herd of cats.

“You, write lyrics,” Kaoru points to Kyo who protests that he _always_ has lyrics on hand, “You, figure out what riff you like better and stick to it,” he says pointing at Die whom makes a face at being called out for flip flopping as they played but nods anyways. 

“You,” he points to Shinya, “just need to stop rushing your fills.” Shinya bites his bottom lip but he nods in agreement to what Kaoru is saying as he packs up his drumsticks so he can put things away.

“And you,” Kaoru says and turns to point to Toshiya. “I need to talk to you.” Toshiya swallows thickly and his stomach turns. He doesn’t need to look over to know that Die is shooting him a sympathetic glance. Kyo looks between Die, Kaoru, and Toshiya and shakes his head, obviously not wanting to know or get involved. 

“Bye guys, I’ll see you at home Kaoru” Kyo says and Die follows behind him, he calls out his goodbyes as well as they leave the practice space. Shinya is not far behind them either, he escapes before Toshiya can talk to him or even ask him if he still wants Toshiya to follow him home. So now Toshiya is in a nervous limbo hoping that Shinya doesn’t get cold feet and he doesn’t have a way to prevent that because he has to talk to Kaoru. 

“What’s up?” He asks Kaoru casually after everyone else leaves the room. Kaoru goes and sits on the couch but leans forwards and puts his elbows on his knees.

“How’re things?” Kaoru asks, also overly casual. Toshiya knows he’s trying to lead into the topic, trying to not just seem like a jerk who always just yells at his friends. It’s usually appreciated, Kaoru is a good friend as well as a good leader but right now Toshiya has neither the patience or the mood for it. The sooner they get this over with, the sooner Toshiya can try to find Shinya. 

“You know,” Toshiya shrugs and goes to sit down on one of the chairs near the couch. “They’re good. I’m doing pretty good.” He shakes his head, “Kaoru, c’mon, I know you want to ask me something.” 

Kaoru sighs and leans back against the couch, he rubs his hands over his face for a moment before he looks over at Toshiya. “Do you remember what we talked about when we first came back from fetching you out of Nagano? You know,” he looks as awkward as he sounds, “About... you and Shinya?”

Toshiya can’t help groaning, it was exactly what he thought it would be. “It’s not like that,” Toshiya says quickly. 

Kaoru presses on, determined to say what he wants to say, “I don’t want the band to be risked...” 

“It won’t be,” Toshiya interjects quickly.

“...because you’re more known for one night stands, you know?” 

“It’s not like that,” Toshiya insists, feeling his face get hot.

Kaoru sighs and shifts in his seat. “I’m not accusing you of anything,” he says, trying to placate. “I just wanted to make my point. You have...” Kaoru makes a face, “certain tendencies and Shinya is-” 

“It’s not like that!” Toshiya says again, this time raising his voice. “I’m not out to get him, I’m not just fucking around with him on a whim! It’s been two years, Kao, and I know you’re just looking out for him because he’s your friend and like a little brother to you but I would hope I’m your friend too and you could believe me. Maybe trust me a little?”

He sits there breathing heavy after his outburst but Toshiya looks at his feet on the floor as he continues, his voice a little shaky. “I have given up so much to be in this band, I put everything I have into it because I believe in it and I really believe we can make it but I’m still only human. I know I’m a flirt and I enjoy sex but it doesn’t mean I can’t have feelings for someone.” He stops to take a big quavering breath.

“Feelings?” Kaoru asks after a loaded moment of silence. 

“Two years, Kaoru,” Toshiya repeats and he has to clench his jaw as his eyes feel a little prickly and he knows that he’s getting this worked up but the words he’s saying feel like they’re being ripped out of him. “I’ve been head over heels for Shinya for that long and it just gets stronger every day. It eats me up to the point I would give up this band I have sacrificed so much for just for the chance to be close to him.” The end of that sentence gets a little choked out, he can’t believe he’s confessing this. Not only to himself out loud, but to Kaoru. 

“I think I might love him.” Toshiya admits to the floor, sounding miserable. He can’t look at Kaoru, can’t do anything but sit there breathing shakily with his confession sitting heavily in the room.

After a moment, Toshiya feels a hand on his shoulder. It squeezes once, twice, very strongly and Toshiya’s heart lifts out of his stomach. Even just that supportive, comforting grip from Kaoru reminds him that he has a friend here with him and it does give him comfort and Toshiya is able to finish blinking away the moisture from his eyes. 

“Hara Toshimasa,” Kaoru says, voice soft. “What will we do with you?”

“Not beat me up?” Toshiya says while making a face, finally looking up at Kaoru.

Kaoru laughs, the noise shocked right out of him. “I did promise you I’d do that,” he says and he gives Toshiya’s shoulder another tight squeeze. “But really, I just wanted to see what your intentions were and I got my answer, I guess. Just, listen...” he starts and takes a breath. He obviously has to think for a moment. “I just want you to know that I do trust you, okay? If I made you feel like the bad guy, I didn’t mean to. It wasn’t my intention. I was just trying to protect not only my little brother but my band.” 

Toshiya shakes his head, “It’s fine, I can understand that. I’m sorry for getting so worked up,” he shrugs and reaches up to rub his eyes that feel hot and irritated. 

“You know I’m not just an asshole who has to yell at you all the time,” Kaoru says plaintively, “I am your friend, you know. You can talk to me about anything anytime.”

“I know,” Toshiya says and he reaches out to squeeze Kaoru’s shoulder in reciprocation. “I know you are. I’ll try to be less of an asshole you have to keep yelling at.” 

“Okay,” Kaoru says with a laugh, “Deal.”

“Deal,” Toshiya says, grinning at him. He does feel a lot better not only talking to his friend and clearing the air but getting all of that off of his chest too. It feels like a big weight is gone. 

When Kaoru stands up, Toshiya does too. Kaoru pulls him into a hug and they slap each other’s back after a moment and pull apart. 

“You all set?” Kaoru says, nodding with his head over at the curry. He’s asking if Toshiya needs more food he takes it, but Toshiya shakes his head. 

“Yeah, I’m good.” Toshiya picks up his stuff off the table and heads to the door to leave. Now his mission is to find Shinya, even if he has to go out to his apartment and sit and wait at the door for him to come home. “I’m gonna head out though.”

“Okay,” Kaoru says and starts picking up the bags that have what's left of the curry. “Don’t forget you can talk to me, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Toshiya says but he’s smiling as he slings his messenger bag over his head. “Thanks Dad,” he calls over his shoulder but shuts the door behind himself as Kaoru yells indignantly behind him. He laughs as he walks quickly to the old elevator, trying to hurry down to street level so Shinya doesn’t get too much further away. 

After he gets out of the elevator, Toshiya bursts out the door onto the street. He’s about to run for the train station when he sees Shinya standing there. Toshiya can’t believe Shinya actually waited for him. He’s tucked in right by the door to stay out of pedestrian traffic, but Toshiya sees him immediately.

“Shinya!” 

Shinya’s head whips up and he gasps, immediately rushing over to Toshiya. He looks up at him with wide-eyes, looking concerned. “Is everything ok?” 

Toshiya remembers what he just told Kaoru and his heart gets all stuck in his throat and makes it so he can't breathe let alone speak for a moment.

“Yeah, everything is okay. We just had a heart to heart.” Toshiya says when he pulls himself back together and it’s the truth. “Am I still coming with you?” 

“Of course,” Shinya says, shaking his head, “You still have to make this morning up to me. Right?” 

What a relief. Toshiya can’t help but smile at Shinya who is still looking at him with some apprehension. “Right,” he says and puts his hand on Shinya’s back to start leading him down the street.

Shinya lets himself get lead forward for a few stumbling steps while he keeps looking at Toshiya like he can read his and Kaoru’s conversation on his face, but he soon falls into step next to Toshiya and wraps a slender hand around the strap of Toshiya's messenger bag. 

“Toshiya...” he says, sounding pleading as they walk down towards the station, weaving through the crowds of people out enjoying their Saturday nights. 

“It’s seriously okay,” Toshiya says calmly as they follow the line of people through the gates of the station and towards the stairs to the trains that will take them out to Shinya’s neighborhood. “He’s not mad about us- ” 

“He knows?!” Shinya squawks and the older lady on the stairs in front of them turns and shoots him a dirty look so Shinya flushes but he tugs on Toshiya’s bag strap he still has a grip on. “Did Die tell him?” 

“Nah,” Toshiya says and shakes his head. He sighs plaintively. “It was just Leader-sama piecing things together, like he does.” 

Shinya’s cheeks are still pink, but he makes a really squishy unhappy face that makes Toshiya chuckle. 

“What did he say about us being boyfriends?” Shinya asks in a nervous rush as they step out onto the train platform, obviously pushing through the embarrassment of saying the term out loud. That must make him forget where they are because he says it loud enough that the lady in front of them turns and gives them both the stink-eye again. 

Toshiya winces at the look, “Let’s talk about this when we get to your place,” he says. When Shinya gives him a really confused look he motions with his head towards the lady that’s still looking at them like they’re dirt on the bottom of her shoe. 

“Oh!” Shinya says when he turns and sees her and when he blushes this time he ducks behind Toshiya and peeks around him to look at the woman. “I think you’re right...” 

Toshiya’s reply is drowned out by the arrival of the train, the wind it brings with it makes him have to tuck his hair behind his ears. He moves to go get on the train but he feels Shinya grab the back of his shirt and stop him. 

“This way,” Shinya says and uses his grip on Toshiya's shirt and messenger bag to pull him backwards. 

“Wha-?” Toshiya says, stumbling backwards for a moment until he turns to let Shinya lead him one car over. Shinya pulls him into the back corner of the car, avoiding the rest of the crowd on the train. He lets go of Toshiya's shirt but still keeps his hand looped around Toshiya’s messenger bag strap.

When Shinya sees Toshiya’s confused look he lifts his head up in a haughty move. “I didn’t want to ride in the same train as that old lady,” he says with a sniff and Toshiya can’t help laughing at that. 

“You’re a genius,” Toshiya says and when Shinya smiles at him it’s happy and self-satisfied and Toshiya wishes he could kiss him. At least when the train sways to a start he can use that as an excuse to put his hand on Shinya’s waist for a moment while he steadies him. 

The rest of the trip is a lot less eventful. They don’t talk very much but the only time Shinya lets go of the strap of Toshiya’s bag is when they’re waiting for the second train out to Shinya’s and he stops at a vending machine to get a Calpis that they share, Shinya takes the bottle and passes it back one handed after he comes back and resumes his hold on the strap. It feels a little like Shinya is holding his hand in some weird non-conventional fashion and if Toshiya thinks on it too long he starts blushing and getting flustered so he puts the thought away for later and leads Shinya on to the next train to take them to their destination. 

When they get to Shinya’s apartment, Shinya finally lets go for good. Toshiya is taking off his shoes when Shinya grabs his arm instead. 

“So what did he say??” Shinya asks in a rush, the question bursting out of him like he’s been holding it in. He probably has, it seemed like he had a lot on his mind as they rode that last train. 

Toshiya sighs and pulls his other shoe off really fast before he stands up straight again. “He didn’t really like, _mention it_ mention it,” he says truthfully, “It wasn’t a real in depth conversation. He asked me what my intentions were, I told him, then I made him promise not to beat me up.” 

Shinya makes a face but he pulls off his own shoes as he does, “Your intentions.” 

“Yeah,” Toshiya reaches out and grabs Shinya’s elbow lightly to steady him when he wobbles while sliding his shoe off. “You know, he’s just worried about you. You’re like his brother, his younger brother.” 

Shinya steps up into the front room but he’s shaking his head. “I can take care of myself, though. I feel like this is my choice to make. I’m not a kid. I’m _nineteen_.” 

Toshiya follows Shinya as he crosses through his apartment. “I don’t think he meant it like that, Shinya. You’re not a kid, no, but you’re still young-” 

Shinya spins around quickly and points a finger at Toshiya, “But so are you!” 

All Toshiya can do is blink a little bit, shocked that Shinya is yelling at him.

“I’m not a kid and you’re not some jerk just wanting to use me and break my heart,” Shinya says with such conviction that it makes Toshiya chuckle. That just winds Shinya up a little bit more. “What??” 

“He knows,” Toshiya says and reaches up to take the hand that’s pointing at him. “He knows it. Thanks for getting so heated for my sake though.” 

Shinya’s face softens and he blushes, but he doesn't bow his head like he usually does, “I just don’t want people to think that you're forcing me into anything. Just cuz you’re more a little confident than me and more... experienced,” Shinya stutters out and blushes harder but doesn't stop, “doesn’t mean I can't make my own choices.” 

This spitfire side of Shinya doesn’t make its appearance very often but he likes it, Toshiya hides his smile with a kiss to Shinya’s hand he still has in his grip. “I’m sure he’s gonna talk to you about it at some point and you can make sure he knows it then,” Toshiya says placating, but it just makes Shinya sigh harshly.

“Just as long as we’re clear about it,” Shinya states, his eyes flicking between where Toshiya has his hand and Toshiya’s eyes. “Y’know, clear between the two of us.” 

“Loud and clear,” Toshiya says solemnly, a bit teasing, but then he’s serious as he says, “Why do you think I make sure to have your permission before I kiss you?” 

This time when Shinya blushes he does duck his head and look away, “You don’t have to, anymore. You don’t have to keep asking, you can just kiss me.” 

Now that makes Toshiya smile like a cat who caught the canary, “Oh, is that so?” 

He reaches out and cups the back of Shinya’s head with the hand that’s not already holding Shinya’s hand and Shinya looks up at him, “Like right now,” he says and his eyes wander down from Toshiya’s eyes to look at his lips, “You don’t have to ask right now.” 

“Okay,” Toshiya murmurs as he leans in to close the distance between them. “I won’t.”

He keeps the kiss so light and so teasing that Shinya makes a soft noise and moves to chase his lips, wanting more. Even then Toshiya leans back and out of range for just a moment before giving Shinya what he asked for. They stand there in Shinya’s front room kissing for a while, Toshiya’s hand moves from Shinya’s nape into his hair and the one holding Shinya’s hand moves to the small of his back. Shinya’s slender hands have moved onto Toshiya’s shoulders, the thumb of his right hand is up against the side of Toshiya’s throat and it’s turned Toshiya on so much that he has to hold in a whimper and pull out of this kiss. 

He may have permission to kiss him, but Shinya didn’t give him permission to go any further yet. Plus they still haven’t finished talking. So Toshiya slowly ends the kiss with a few lingering pecks, then pulls back to watch as Shinya opens his eyes. His eyes are unfocused and blurry and his lips are glossy and swollen from being well kissed and Toshiya wishes he could have a photo of this moment to keep forever. 

“Mmm,” Shinya says and wrinkles his nose up. “You didn’t have to stop,” he complains, the faint brush of pink on his cheeks deepens to red. 

“I did,” Toshiya says and leans in to kiss Shinya’s cheek soft and light “We still have a few things to talk about.” 

That makes Shinya groan, he moves his hands to wrap around Toshiya’s neck and he hides his face there. His hot breaths make Toshiya shiver a little bit. “What else is there to talk about?” he complains. 

“You said it yourself, earlier,” Toshiya says as he wraps his arms around Shinya’s middle and pulls him in to hug him close. How many times has he longed to do this? He can’t believe he’s getting the chance now. “You asked back at practice, remember?” 

“Oh, that,” Shinya says, sounds a little apprehensive from where he has his face hidden in Toshiya’s shoulder. “The boyfriend thing.”

“The boyfriend thing,” Toshiya repeats, confirming. He puts his face against Shinya’s head, kind of rocking him side to side comfortingly. “Since you were so concerned about it, I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable with where we are.” 

“It feels kind of silly,” Shinya says, voice muffled but it’s easy to hear that he sounds embarrassed. Toshiya kisses his hair, “But I haven’t really had much of an actual like, relationship before. It’d just be kinda neat to be able to say that you are my, y’know, my _boyfriend_.” He mashes his face further and more firmly into Toshiya’s neck and his arms tighten. 

“You can call me whatever you want, “ Toshiya says into Shinya’s hair, hiding his smile. “Anyway you say it, I am yours.” 

“Really?” Shinya lifts his head up and leans back just enough so he can look over Toshiya’s face. His eyes are wide. 

“If that’s what you really want, if you’re really sure about it."

Shinya blinks a few times, he is clearly thinking over what Toshiya just said. He thinks just long enough to make Toshiya start to feel nervous. 

“This all happened kind of suddenly,” Shinya says quietly. “But not really at the same time. I feel like I knew it was coming, I guess. I’m a little nervous.” 

“Me too,” Toshiya confesses but Shinya gives him a small smile before he continues on. 

“But I’m happy, too. I’m ready to see where this goes.”

Toshiya feels his heart beat wildly in his chest. He can’t believe this is really happening, but he works to keep his cool even as the giddiness bubbles up. “Then it's official,” he murmurs, watching Shinya’s expression. 

Shinya smiles, wide and happy. “Yeah, I guess it is,” he leans in and kisses Toshiya softly to seal the deal. 

After the little kiss, Shinya leans back in and puts his head back on Toshiya’s shoulder. They stand there holding each other for a while, Toshiya can feel Shinya’s heart beating against his own chest. It goes from quick to steady while they hug and he can feel his own do the same.

“Hey,” he mutters, nuzzling his face into the side of Shinya’s head. “Do you wanna go sit down or something?”  
“Yeah,” Shinya answers, slowly pulling himself from Toshiya. “Let's go watch some TV.” He yawns a little bit but he turns and opens the sliding door into the bedroom. Toshiya follows him inside and shuts the door behind him and takes off his messenger bag to put it in the corner of the room. 

“Are you hungry?” Shinya goes and sits on the corner of his bed, watching Toshiya as he shakes his head and comes over to join him. 

“I think Kaoru bought that curry just for me to eat,” Toshiya rolls his eyes, “Don’t think I don’t know what you guys are doing.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Shinya sniffs, holding himself steady as Toshiya climbs onto the low bed and then across it until he’s gonna be able to get comfortable. 

“Uh-huh,” Toshiya teases as he watches Shinya grab the remote for the tv, “Sure you don’t.”

Shinya just shoots him an enigmatic smile over his shoulder and turns the TV on. He flips through the channels until he finds something worth watching. It’s an american movie Toshiya can’t remember the name of, dubbed over and a third of the way into it. 

“Are you hungry?” Toshiya asks as Shinya brings the remote with him to crawl his way over to where Toshiya is sitting. 

“A little, I’ll worry about it later,” Shinya tells him as he flops down next to him. Toshiya puts his hand on Shinya’s mid-back as he settles in, waiting to see if this is going to be in a cuddle formation. The kissing has been great, no doubt, but just being able to hold Shinya is the best part. 

Shinya hesitates a little bit but moves around until he can carefully put his head on Toshiya’s shoulder. Toshiya swallows down the bubbly, giddy part and moves his hand so he can wrap his arm around Shinya and bring him closer. 

“This ok?” he asks, murmuring. 

“Yeah,” Shinya replies just as quietly. His hand slowly makes its way across Toshiya’s middle, his slender hand ends up pressed right on Toshiya’s side against his ribs. That really makes Toshiya’s heart skip so many beats he feels lightheaded. “Hope you don’t mind this movie.” 

“It’s fine,” Toshiya reassures him. 

They lay there together for a long time quietly, it feels so nice that Toshiya feels himself nod off once or twice. Perpetually sleepy; he could kick himself. Can’t even stay awake to enjoy really properly being able to hold his long-time crush for the first time. He refuses to give into it so he keeps his mind occupied by very gently moving his fingers along the lean lines and angles of Shinya's back, shoulder and arms.

Toshiya’s lightly grazing his fingers down the smooth skin of Shinya’s upper arm when he registers that Shinya’s heart beat has changed. It makes him wonder a bit, the fact he’s actually that close to Shinya right now he can feel his heartbeat. Another pass on Shinya’s arm makes his heartbeat speed up more and then Shinya shifts a little. 

“Toshiya,” Shinya whispers, his voice is so low that if they weren’t so close then Toshiya doesn’t know he would've heard him. 

“Hmm?” Toshiya hums in response, shifting a little under Shinya’s weight so he can both see Shinya’s face and press a comforting little kiss to his temple. 

Shinya’s next exhale is slow and shaky, the bit of his face that Toshiya can see is turning red. “Can you...” he says, still at a very low volume. 

Toshiya doesn’t say anything this time, not sure where Shinya is trying to get with this but wanting to be patient and encouraging. He rubs Shinya’s back and waits it out as Shinya takes a few stuttering breaths. 

“Would you kiss me like you did at practice?” Shinya finally stutters out, working past his nervousness. “Do you remember?” follows quickly after that, Shinya looks up at Toshiya through his bangs questioningly and Toshiya feels a hot jolt of arousal zap through him. He swallows it down. 

“I remember,” Toshiya murmurs back to him, he moves one hand to brush some of the hair of Shinya’s face. He cups his jaw in his palm and pulls his head up carefully. “That’s what you want?” 

Shinya’s blush grows darker and spreads little farther, he looks away from Toshiya again and murmurs a faint affirmative. Remembering his earlier blanket consent, Toshiya uses his hand on Shinya’s face to very gently pull his head up and close, he doesn't hesitate to lean in and close the rest of the space between them.

He slides his hand around the back of Shinya’s neck and deepens the kiss immediately to give Shinya what he asks for and is not disappointed by Shinya’s reactions. His hand twitches and then tightens against Toshiya’s side, he shifts a little closer, but the little keen that he makes is the best part. Toshiya’s arm tightens around Shinya and brings him so there’s less space between the two of them. 

Toshiya leads the kiss for a while, his hand moves from Shinya’s neck to his knee. He won't move it farther then that for now, no matter how badly he wants too. His thumb rubs back and forth over the denim of Shinya’s jeans as Shinya gets more bold in the kiss. His hand moves up from Toshiya’s side slowly to rest on Toshiya’s stomach and Toshiya just can't help the noise he makes. 

They’re close enough to each other that Toshiya can feel Shinya shudder after that, it’s almost too much. He’s wanted this so badly, he has to stop himself from just pushing Shinya down and taking it. Instead he puts his hand about halfway up Shinya’s thigh and holds it firmly, his thumb pressing into the inseam. When Shinya gasps into the kiss, Toshiya sucks his bottom lip lightly and the noise Shinya makes is a reward for his patience.

Shinya says Toshiya’s name blurrily, and Toshiya can’t help but push his hand just a little bit farther up Shinya’s thigh. His hand feels so big across the thin span of it and the thought of it wrapped around his waist flashes through his mind before he can register it happening.

“Shinya,” he murmurs, his voice dark and husky to his own ears. He doesn’t know if he’s ever been this aroused in his life. “Let me touch you,” he pleads, he rubs his thumb over the inside of Shinya’s thigh and presses his mouth under the corner of Shinya’s jaw where the skin is hot and soft. “I’ll make you feel so good.”

Shinya whimpers and quivers in his arm and its so hard to wait for his answer. Shinya’s arms jump up to wrap around Toshiya’s shoulders and when he hides his face where Toshiya can’t see it. “I’ve never...” he starts, his voice breaks a little and Toshiya waits as he takes a deep hitching breath once, twice. “I’ve never done this before.”

“I’ll stop,” Toshiya says in a rush, “If you tell me to, I'll stop.”  
  
“I’m really nervous,” Shinya confesses quietly but he tightens his arms around Toshiya’s shoulders and shakes as he gives his answer. “But I want it. You can, okay?”

Toshiya kisses at what of Shinya’s face he can see, grateful. “Don't be nervous,” he says, putting his hand that was on Shinya’s thigh on his lower stomach. “It’s just me."

With a huffed, disbelieving laugh, Shinya lifts up his head enough that their eyes catch. “That doesn’t help like you think it did,” he pouts and when Toshiya laughs despite himself Shinya does too.

“I’m serious,” Toshiya says as their giggles taper off. “Just relax,” he leans in to kiss Shinya lightly as his hand that’s still sitting low on Shinya’s stomach starts to move again. “You just have to trust me.”

The arms around his shoulders tighten then loosen, Shinya makes a noise of agreement and then lifts his head up and parts his lips slightly to ask for a kiss. That's something that Toshiya can definitely do, he leans in to kiss Shinya as his hand moves down to the front of Shinya’s jeans.

He keeps his touch light as he undoes Shinya’s jeans, but his hand is shaking as he pulls the heavy zipper down slowly but deftly. Shinya pulls out of the kiss then and remarks on it, “your hands are shaking.”

“Yeah,” Toshiya says, sort of hiding his face against Shinya’s. “I guess I’m nervous too.” 

“Don't say that,” Shinya gasps, “You’ll make me lose my nerve.” He laughs when he says it, breathless. 

Toshiya laughs too, but he tightens and shifts his arm that's around Shinya’s waist and tries to focus. “Just trust me,” he emphasizes, trying to keep his hand steady as he pushes it into where Shinya’s jeans are open.

Anything Shinya was about to say gets interrupted, instead he gasps loudly as Toshiya cups his hand over his dick where it’s straining up against his underwear. “Oh,” Shinya says, voice shaking and sounding a bit in awe. His body tenses up so much so quickly that the grip on Toshiya’s shoulders gets almost painful.

“Still okay?” Toshiya says, still trying so hard to keep himself calm while being in such utter disbelief of this moment. He’s thought of this moment so many times it feels like it should be a dream, but the reality of it is so much better.

“Y-yeah,” Shinya stammers out, Toshiya feels his body untense slowly as he holds his hand where it is to let Shinya get used to it. “‘S ok.” 

“Okay,” Toshiya says and kisses the corner of Shinya’s parted lips before he starts finally moving his hand. Shinya jolts like he’s been shocked and Toshiya’s arm holds onto him tighter as Shinya holds tighter onto him. He lets out a noise that hits Toshiya straight in the gut, some strange mix of a shout and a whimper that Shinya tries to hide in Toshiya’s neck. 

It’s an encouraging noise, so Toshiya keeps moving his hand and gets bolder with it. They're both panting already, each exhale has Shinya squeaking a little noise into Toshiya’s neck. Toshiya has to shift a little bit, he got so hard so fast that he’ digging almost painfully into the front of his jeans. 

When Shinya doesn’t tell him to stop, Toshiya finally moves to slide his hand underneath Shinya’s underwear. He stops with just his fingers dipped under the waistband, waiting to see how Shinya reacts. The reaction he gets is a large, breathy exhale and Shinya shifting to open his thighs more and invite his touch. Toshiya can’t help the longing nose he makes when Shinya drapes his leg across his lap, he slides his hand further in.

Toshiya jerks Shinya off slow and methodically, enjoying every moment of turning Shinya into a moaning, quivering mess. He can’t help with teasing and making Shinya whine for more. He’s ignoring his own needs to get as much out of this moment as he can. There will never be another first time, he’s wanted this for so long and Shinya could change his mind about everything any second. 

After a while, Shinya’s body begins to tense up and he starts shaking harder. He stammers out Toshiya’s name, sounding wild and wanting but also a bit scared.

“Shh, just relax into it,” Toshiya whispers, his own voice sounding wrecked from the harsh, short breaths he’s been taking. Shinya lets out a whine but he mashes his face into Toshiya’s shoulder,tightens his grip onto Toshiya’s shoulders, and his whole body tenses up sharply. Toshiya’s breath catches as it happens, Shinya shakes apart right there in his grip and gives a muffled, almost pained cry. 

After a moment Toshiya takes his hand back, he’s not usually so uncouth to do it but he wipes his sticky hand on the outside of Shinya’s thigh. He feels bad about it, but it means he can take a moment to press his hand against himself. Honestly, all he has to do is put a little pressure there and he’s coming too, gasping as it hit him hard enough that when the white noise haze lifts his ears are ringing. It feels good, his skin is buzzing and endorphins are flowing but at least now he can focus on what he wants too. 

He scoops Shinya up in a better grip, pulls him in to be able to hold him tighter. Their chests are heaving together out of rhythm, Shinya is a quivering puddle and is making soft blurry noises. Toshiya kisses at Shinya’s face, pushing them wherever he can as he hums as comforting as he can. 

“I’m ok,” Shinya says after a moment of that, he takes a couple of steadying breaths and sits up a bit. Toshiya really gets to see his face then, red and hot and watery-eyed. He’s never seen anything so beautiful or sensual in his life.

“You sure?” Toshiya asks, letting Shinya move away and helps him sit up a little bit more on his own. 

“Yeah,” Shinya says and finally unwraps his arms from Toshiya’s shoulders so he can bring shaky hands up to push damp hair off of his face. “Sorry...” 

“What are you sorry for?” Toshiya says with a laugh and helps free Shinya from the hair stuck to his cheeks. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You were amazing.” 

Shinya ducks his head then with a shy smile that Toshiya can’t help kiss quickly. “We’re a mess though,” he says and Shinya looks back up at him, “I’m sorry about your jeans.”

“It’s okay,” Shinya says as he looks down at the mess on his leg. “Hey,” he asks a moment, glancing at Toshiya for a second before his embarrassment catches up to him again. “Did you, y’know...” 

When he trails off Toshiya can’t help but chuckle for a moment. “Don’t worry about me, it was quick.”

“Oh,” Shinya says and his blush is almost phosphorescent. “Sorry- “ he starts but Toshiya stops him with a finger pushed against his lips.

“Don’t you dare apologize,” he says gently and taps Shinya’s lips once. “I’m going to clean up, okay? Do you want some water or some tea or something?” 

Shinya licks his lips and thinks for a moment as Toshiya untangles the two of them and starts to move away. “Just some water,” he answers, but before Toshiya gets much farther away he grabs Toshiya’s arm and stops him just long enough to give him a sweet little kiss. It’s great that Shinya is the one initiating that affection but it’s not as great as the satisfied smile on his face at his own boldness. 

There’s feelings and words bubbling up in Toshiya’s throat but it's not the time or place for any of it so he just gives Shinya a little smile in return and slides off the bed. First stop is Shinya’s bathroom, he slides the door closed behind himself and looks at himself in the mirror. There’s two spots of red high on his own cheeks but there’s also a stupid grin he can’t get himself to tamp down.

“Jesus,” he whispers to himself in the dim light of the bathroom, he scrubs his hands over his face for a moment while his heart proceeds to skip a few beats. He's gonna have to finish processing this later otherwise his heart is going to explode out of his chest right there all over the clean tiles.

It takes a moment but he gets himself cleaned up as well as possible without taking a full shower and without having to change. He does leave his pants in the bathroom when he’s done washing his hands, stashing them the same place he did last night. When he steps back out of the bathroom, Shinya is standing in the corner of the bedroom that his clothes are in and facing away from him. Toshiya almost calls out to him but instead he watches as Shinya pulls his shirt up and over his head. He’s seen Shinya without his shirt off before but he’s never been allowed to really look.

Toshiya looks for a long moment, watching the way Shinya’s movements cause the muscles to shift under soft looking skin. He wishes to touch so much more then, feeling so greedy with the need for more and more. He decides to give Shinya his privacy for now, he steps quietly through the bedroom and through the door that leads into the front room. It takes a second to find a cup but he fills it with water, downs it, then fills it again. This time Shinya is dressed and sitting on the bed waiting for him.

“Oh!” he says and sits up a little bit, it makes Toshiya smile. “Thanks for bringing me water.”

“You’re welcome,” Toshiya says and hands him the glasses which Shinya takes and starts drinking immediately. He scoots up the bed and lays down on it, but as soon as he sprawls out he regrets it. The exhaustion hits him like a tidal wave, washing over him starting at the top of his head and spreading down to his toes. He wishes he had at least put his head on the pillows but it might not even matter.

“Were you able to clean up okay?” Shinya’s voice comes from somewhere above him, floating into his consciousness and waking him up from his light snooze. 

“Yeah, I’m good,” Toshiya says and sighs, he feels so good right now. “I think I’m gonna fall asleep on you right now though, Shinya, sorry.” 

Shinya’s laugh makes him smile even though his eyes are closed. “What am I ever gonna do with you?” he asks and Toshiya sighs happily and reaches out blindly. 

“Come lay with me,” his answer, he doesn’t completely believe Shinya will comply with him. It’s still early, he must be hungry, the lights and the TV are still on. 

There’s suddenly a warm body in his arms, though, and he feels full lips press against his forehead. “Sleep,” Shinya whispers to him before moving down to put his head on Toshiya’s chest. There’s more of those bubbling-over emotions but after they’re stamped down ruthlessly where they belong, Toshiya can’t help but fall asleep after such a sweet request. After all, he could never say no to Shinya.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again, friends! I got this done sooner then expected, so here it is in it's un-beta'd glory. Ah, to be young again and have all your feelings be so all-consuming and over-dramatic lol. Again, this through my very western life and writing style and full of whatever early Diru trivia I know, plus it's been awhile since I've written group scenes so I hope it's not awkward. I have plans to write more of this little universe I have created, please keep an eye out for it if you're interested. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. <3


End file.
